theshimmer | WEEK FOUR

FOURTH WEEK

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The Shimmer may have left you physically, but it's always with you; it's something it had insisted on yesterday, and it's something that continues to be pervasive even now, both in thoughts and within you in other, perhaps more noticeable ways. The statements that have been made weigh heavily; your surroundings continue to be influenced by something or other - plants you recognize are still present here, even as the trees themselves continue to crystallize, growing glassy white and transparent around mechanical insides - and the changes to your physical bodies are becoming more evident and difficult to ignore.

Perhaps more disturbingly, when you went to sleep in the clearing there were sixteen of you.

When you wake up, there are fifteen.

No matter how many headcounts you take, you keep coming up one short; the fact of the matter is that Rean Schwarzer is no longer among you. There's no visible evidence of where he's gone, and all of his belongings are still here; perhaps in some part of your mind, the possibility registers itself - maybe he's not with you because he went to the Shimmer. Not in the same way the cultists went, and not in the same way the ring of bodies seems to have gone, but maybe...

The thought is difficult to shake; the fact of the matter is that he isn't here, and you probably don't want to stay here. After all, your options are currently either to do what you set out to do, to return to the base and very possibly be killed for your efforts, or to remain here with the corpses.

The hike uphill is steep; perhaps it's fortunate that you're no longer tiring out like you used to. It's easier to keep going nowadays, even if it feels somewhat mechanical in doing so; your limbs know what they're doing, even if there's some reason for your mind to disagree. You seem to be making good time in moving toward the site of the initial impact of the meteorite; perhaps it won't be much longer before you find your objective.

That is, if all goes according to plan.

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[ And that at least gets him to shut up completely and just stand there for a few seconds, shoulders shaking. He knows that Kimbley doesn't have the answers. None of them do. And yet, he just wants Kimbley to make it better, please. Stay unfazed and unafraid and just--- do something. Please. ]

... a-apologies. I lost my calm.

...Yeah, I...

[He...what. He isn't even sure he knows at this point, just...give him a second to breathe and rake his hands back through his hair, goddamn.]

Come on, don't be like that. It's fine.

[ Absolutely nothing is fine, but Garma at least appreciates the attempt to calm him down about their relationship if nothing else. So he'll try and offer a shaky smile. ]

... your tattoos don't look bad, for the record. I just didn't need them for myself.

[ Deflect with humor? ]

[Well, for what it's worth, he actually seems to know what to do with that.]

They're my arrays. How I channel my alchemy and stuff.

They have a purpose, they're not just cosmetic, I promise.

I would not have judged if they were!

[ Just to be very clear about it! They do look kind of cool? Really weird and foreign and unexpected, but... also cool. Look. ]

And I am hoping they are, for me, in any case...

You never know. Maybe I'll teach you some stuff once we're out of here, if I'm bored enough. You like chemistry any?

I was head of my class.

[ This isn't strictly speaking an answer, but honestly, he just likes studying - or maybe he conflates having gotten good at it with liking it. Either way, it gives validation and that's what counts. ]

And I was going to bring back something new with me, but that'd be... unexpected. For sure.

...We're probably all going to be bringing something back with us whether we want to or not. Might as well be something decent along with all the rest.

Fair point. It would to be a nice souvenir.

[ Remind him of the friendship that is not a friendship because he messed that conversation up. He can stew in that forever then. Yeah.

But then also, that thought is just depressing... Home, yes. He talked about it just yesterday and yet. ]

... I barely feel human anymore as is.

...I don't either.

[At least he's honest about it.]

It's not really something I thought a whole lot about before. But it's kind of hard not to here.

Becoming something other was always an abstract to me. I knew people believed in the possibility, as you know, but... I never thought of myself as anything but a human man.

And now...

[ Well. Garma looks down at his hands again and he feels like he might as well be looking at anything else for all the difference it makes. ]

I feel caged by this... form? I don't-- I like my body quite a bit, I thought.

I've kind of been assuming that I... [...How do you phrase this.] ...I have no idea how to word this without sounding insane, but part of my alchemy, part of what I do, involves having the ability to rewrite stuff from the inside. I've been operating under the assumption that once we're out of here and I figure out how to make that all work again, I'll just be able to change whatever the Shimmer did. Write it back out somehow. Assuming I can figure out what it is.

... it doesn't sound any more insane than all that has been happening here, at least.

[ So, still insane, but Garma can run with it fairly easily at this point. ]

Are you still assuming this? You also seem tense.

I see no point in not assuming it, I guess. It'll just get depressing, otherwise.

Point taken, once more.

[ Might as well cling to what makes them feel even halfway secure... and it is a nice thought. ]

At least judging by the way the last group lost contact with the Shimmer, we won't spread it either way.

Hopefully not.

[That would probably be bad...? Spreading it doesn't sound. great.]

...I can try to fix whatever it did to you, once all this is over. If you want. That involves me messing around with your insides, though, probably, and I don't know how much you trust me to do that.

[ Garma's quiet for a moment, but this time it's just because this makes him smile and he needs a quick second to actually compose a reply that sounds... not pathetically grateful for a statement that is definitely mostly ominous. This quick second is spent wrapping his hair around his fingers playfully, of course, because he is Garma. ]

Well. I trust you far, far more than I trust the Shimmer and its already done as much without my permission.

I'd appreciate it, truly. You have proven yourself as a comrade, even despite your rough exterior.

I don't change that for anyone, so that's probably just you getting used to it more than anything I did.

[He shrugs, though.]

Either way, I'm not promising anything. It's not an exact science and all.

I realize as much. It's that you would try which makes me happy.

[ The possibility to return to what he was also gives him hope and makes him happy, but it feels a lot more distant right now, since they don't really have a plan of how to survive their situation.

So let's focus on the joys of the moment. ]

You're so embarrassing.

[...It sounds more affectionate than anything, okay. Or at least, as close to it as he gets. He doesn't mind, is the point.]

[ ... yeah, he should have seen this coming. ]

It's called genuine communication and it is a virtue, actually.

Keep telling yourself that, Garma.

WEEK FOUR

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