theshimmer | CAVERN.

CAVERN.

[Another encounter with the Shimmer, another round of confusion, frustration and exhaustion. It's probably going to be a fairly unanimous opinion, but Page much preferred the circle of peaceful corpses over the tree of suffering.

She emerged from the river just in time to hear what the Shimmer had to say, and it leaves a bad taste in her mouth. But regardless of feelings, it's probably wise that they don't move away from this cavern for the time being; the fire, remnants of that horrible tree, is providing light and warmth. They couldn't really ask for much more, especially after spending the past week in darkness.

So Page will swim back to the fire, placing herself in front of it and unwinding her headpiece, letting her locs fall free around her face. She's soaked, miserable and cold. As awful as the source of the heat is, she needs to dry off. The last thing she wants is to fall ill.

Not that it would mean much - sounds like a problem for her body. Wherever that is.

You're free to join her, or do what you will; time to rest, before the new week begins.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Heinwald is patient throughout the silence. It is valuable information for him.

With permission granted, he makes a quiet entrance and settles down where Yeager wants him.]

I don't suppose you will allow me to return the favor and speak with you about what's going on? Something that the Shimmer said struck you quite hard.

[There's plenty of space in here, so feel free to sit wherever. Yeager's messing with the briefcase and he doesn't look up when Heinwald enters, merely gesturing for Heinwald to make himself at home.]

All of this did, really.

[Because a normal person would have a reaction beyond "hahaha wow" and it isn't as though the only thing that's bothering him is what the Shimmer just so happened to say at some point. Right?]

It's...

[That's where he pauses, frowning down at the briefcase as though it'll somehow give him whatever answers he's seeking to questions he hasn't asked. He glances up at Heinwald for a moment as though considering before returning his attention to the briefcase again, messing with some of the mechanisms that haven't been working since he arrived in this world.]

"A lack of existence is always worse than one that's less than ideal". What do you make of that?

[That's right...those are the words that he heard Yeager repeating earlier. He crosses his arms, bringing one hand close to his chin in a thoughtful gesture.]

I do not agree with it. Sometimes existence is genuinely less than ideal and we simply live with those imperfections and move on, yes, but there are fates far worse than nonexistence and that tree was a perfect example of it. What is there to gain from that sort of existence- forced to into an immovable position for what could be an eternity, in nothing but pain?

[He shakes his head, frowning.]

It makes one thing very clear, however. The Shimmer wishes to persist, no matter the circumstances.

[Yeager nods, but he remains quiet for a long moment. It looks like he's deeply focused on what he's doing, but...]

That certainly was an extreme example, but if the Shimmer could not understand why it was a bad thing and why we wanted to put them out of their misery, then I doubt we have anything left to discuss with it. It experienced pain when that part of it was set on fire, and yet it didn't even acknowledge the pain those people were in - and who knows how long they were left like that.

[It's clearly setting him on edge and Yeager takes a moment to exhale and he shakes his head.]

[And even if it did consider understanding it at one point, it's definitely not going to now. Heinwald knows he has to come to terms with this.]

It makes what it said before leaving all the more confusing, about not wanting to harm us. It would not care for the pain of those suffering from what it does to them, but it would say that in the same breath? [...] The Shimmer is absolutely frustrating.

[At least they were able to bring relief to those in the tree. That's...one good thing out of this horrible mess.]

Yeager...may I ask if this has a particular relevance to you?

I can't imagine trying to discuss anything with it. You'd have more success with the rocks here.

[That question gets him to hesitate for a moment, head tipped a bit before he returns his attention to his weapon.]

Not to me, no.

[He's smiling, but the expression has gone icy.]

I simply don't like the idea of a fate worse than death - certainly not anything like what those people have experienced.

[Heinwald watches Yeager's expression for a moment before closing his eyes.]

A sentiment I am sure we all can agree upon. But it will not come to that- not if we have anything to say about it.

[It's hardly comforting and he knows it, but he's grasping at anything to say that isn't prying. He's so used to just pressing people without a second thought, but...

Mmmngh.]

I ask because you seemed uniquely affected today, to the degree that I was in the past.

[Yeager is quiet for a very long moment. He isn't even pretending to mess with his weapon anymore; he's staring at it, but it's obvious he isn't seeing it.]

...I would say that there are a great many fates worse than death. Death itself isn't nearly as dreadful as people believe; coming back is far more horrific.

[Ah.

It's Heinwald's turn to smile this time, but there's no warmth behind his either. It's cold, cloaked in shadow.]

...I imagine so.

[He lifts his head to look at Yeager.]

Is that the reason for the...?

[He mimics the motion he's seen Yeager do many times throughout their journey, with particular fervor tonight.]

[Without even thinking about it, one of Yeager's hands comes up to his chest - it's obvious now more than ever that he's not gripping the cravat but something beneath his clothes. It takes him a moment to recognize it, and he releases it with a hollow laugh.]

Yes. It's my blastia - at this point, it is essentially my heart.

[He's probably discussed blastia at length with Heinwald over the course of this journey - and he's always been adamant that he was brought to this world without one.

...Also don't mind the fact that his heart is apparently in the center of his chest?? That's probably fine????]

[It's JRPG logic he ain't gotta explain shit.

Heinwald is not entirely unfamiliar with death. When he was mimicking Yeager's motion on his own cravat, the scar circling his neck and the discoloration below were ever-present. It's...eerily similar to Wesker's scar. Even so, that experience cannot be compared to Yeager's.

The reveal of Yeager having a blastia all along—let alone one taking the place of a vital organ—catches Heinwald off guard. His eyes widen slightly, verging on intrigue. But he never gets quite that far, not when he can see how Yeager feels about it.]

It wasn't by choice, I take it.

[He's aware of Heinwald's scar - maybe it's part of the reason why he decided to actually talk about this for once in his damn life.

It takes a moment for him to reply to Heinwald's words, and his gaze has dropped back to the weapon as he continues to mess with it.]

The Great War happened ten years ago, and resulted in a great many losses for the Empire. Many of the Imperial Knights were killed in combat against talking monsters.

[Entelexeia are a little more complicated than that, but whatever, it gets the point across.]

The Commandant of the Imperial Knights was successful in bringing only two soldiers back. One stayed with the Commandant and became a Captain of the knights; the other fled to join the guilds to avoid the Commandant and the Empire.

[...It isn't a direct answer, but it's probably close enough.]

[It's more than close enough, and more context than Heinwald believes he deserves. Still, he's appreciative of it.

His own gaze drops, his expression growing somber. Being revived after dying in combat is an entirely new level of horror that Heinwald cannot even begin to imagine.]

Were you able to find any amount of solace with the guilds?

[He clearly made a name for himself to become a guild leader, but...is he at least finding any enjoyment out of the life that was forced upon him?]

[There's an argument to be made about how that man and Yeager are two different people, but frankly, he's far too tired to try to find a way to express that. Heinwald's question isn't helping much, and his gaze darts to the side.

"Solace", huh...]

I don't know.

[It's a complicated mess of feelings he's not entirely sure he still has and doesn't really want to start evaluating right now.]

...Only one other person knows about all of this back in my world. I would prefer it if you kept this between the two of us.

[There isn't really anything behind it; it's just... blank. None of the usual cheer or enthusiasm or flair, it's almost startlingly simple in comparison to how he normally acts.]

[Upon receiving that answer, Heinwald can't help but feel like he's overstepped his bounds. Asking someone who has been unwillingly revived if they've found comfort in their new life...well, Yeager's here, isn't he? Maybe that says a lot on its own.

He mercifully lets the subject drop there, not wishing to push Yeager any further on it.]

Of course, Yeager. This truth will be safe with me. [...] Thank you, for speaking to me about this. I believe I have come to understand you better through it.

For what it is worth, I am glad to have gotten to know you over this journey. I am certain that I would still be floundering had you not come to me with valuable insight in my worst moments. I do not know how to begin repaying you for it, but I at least wanted to make sure you were not alone with your thoughts tonight.

[That gets a soft, hollow laugh from him.]

I've only ever done what I wanted to do at the moment. I thought you could use the company, and I'm pleased I was able to provide you some assistance.

[And for what little it's worth, that isn't as much of a lie as it could have been.]

I appreciate what you've done for me tonight, then. This is... something I have tried very hard not to think about for ten years. It all caught up to me far too quickly, and it's only now I have time to process it.

Today was particularly bad for that, I suppose.

[A lack of existence is always worse than one that's less than ideal... Funny how sometimes a one-off remark like that can have more impact on you than a horrifying people-tree.]

[Living in the moment, trying not to think of the past...mm. That certainly tracks.]

You were correct, even if I thought I did not want company in the moment.

[He shifts to fully face Yeager again.]

And here of all places. [Does he mean the Shimmer as a whole or camped outside a smoldering tree of charred flesh? Both? Looking back on it, this has probably been eating at Yeager for a while.] Granted, I imagine there is hardly an ideal place for confronting these thoughts.

Our circumstances are incredibly different, but if there is any aspect of your own that you wish to work through with me...I may have more insight on the matter to offer than most.

It is a bit of an odd place to do this much self-reflecting.

[...Mostly because of the horrible peopletree, but the Shimmer in general is not exactly the best place to have deep existential thoughts that he probably should've been dealing with years ago.]

It's appreciated, Heinwald. I wasn't exactly planning on discussing it with anyone, but you do seem like one of the few who is best equipped to handle hearing all this.

[He absolutely knows how fucked up this is, and you don't inflict this sort of thing on someone who's going to have problems handling it. Can you imagine trying to discuss this with Garma?? Garma does not deserve.]

Now that I've let this particular cat out of the bag, I suspect I will have to try to confront it eventually. For now, I don't plan on doing that. I can only deal with a little bit at a time.

[Maybe that's not the way he should be handling it, but it's not like we have therapy in Vesperialand so it'll have to do. Anyway, he's at least sounding like he's approaching his usual self without getting overly flippant about the whole thing, so maybe this is progress. Slow-going progress is still progress!!]

[Ilia, he really did end up dragging this out of Yeager in a way... He does still feel somewhat guilty about it, but he's sure it's a weight off of Yeager's chest at the very least.

...pun not intended in the slightest.]

So long as you do not run from it entirely, then that should be just fine. A gradual process is better than none at all.

[So yes, it's progress!! He's pleased to see Yeager recovering in what way he can muster. After learning everything that he has, he doesn't want to see Yeager spiral downward.]

Now, Yeager... I don't suppose you would be interested in hearing about another of my cases?

[He's sprung stories on Yeager before, but this time it's very much deliberate. A palette cleanser, so to speak. With everything out in the open, maybe they could use something more lighthearted.

...if you count Heinwald's stories of creepy cults and blasphemous tomes lighthearted.]

[worst pun!!!]

I would! Your cases are always so fascinating, it certainly sounds like you've been busy!

[Thanks, Heinwald. You absolutely understand his need for a distraction and sometimes you just want to hear about very lighthearted stories that are also at least mildly terrible. Lay it on him, whatever horrible thing you've got for him today sounds great!!]

Good, good. Then let us get started, ja?

[He's not one to slip his native language into his speech, but it's becoming far too easy around Yeager. At least their shared language despite being from entirely different worlds is a fun little mystery.

That, and perhaps it is a small comfort to latch onto as the Shimmer takes more and more away.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

CAVERN.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject